Good News Everyone!

Dance for me puppets! Dance! You see my amazing Twitter Jedi power? Ok, so chances are Jerry Jones doesn’t even know how to operate Twitter and never saw that tweet.  Even more likely is that he’d laugh if he did read it, and dismiss me as another know-nothing fan. After all, I have tweeted him numerous times over the years telling him to fire Jason Garret and it has never happened. I’m quite sure I started the #FireJasonGarret hashtag on Twitter.  Anyhow, this is all irrelevant.  The real point I am driving at here is that as an overly involved Dallas Cowboys fan, I am beyond happy with this move. So that was good news of the day part one. (Quick side note while still on the sports subject. My Florida Gators are still killing it in the recruiting ranks this year, holding strong at #1.)

The second good news of the day yesterday was a two-fer from my local radio station. Some idiot politician was trying to stop concerts from being put on at Metropolitan Park, which is (get this) an outdoor CONCERT VENUE! Apparently old people across the river complained of the noise and language from the concerts and this guy thought it’d be a good idea to stop those noise complaints by killing off events that stimulate our economy and please the tens of thousands of attendees each year. Yesterday several music enthusiasts showed up to the court houses to protest this bill and it was withdrawn.  Then, to top it off, X1029 announced that “Welcome to Rockville” this year will be a two day music festival instead of its usual one day lineup. I’ll be getting my tickets as soon as their available.

On a less “good news” note, I did not win the Newbie Award in 20SB’s Bootleg awards, nor did Sarah, who I vouched for in my last post. The good news here is that Rachael Emilee won the award and is a fantastic writer who is completely deserving of it. I actually nominated/voted for her in other categories as well.  Congrats to all of the winners.  I’m going to have to step it up and see if I can make a run for that “Blogger I’d like to get a drink with” award.

My inner video game nerd would be disappointed if I didn’t mention that Halo 4 has been awesome this week. The new episode of Spartan Ops is incredible, and I love that we’re finally getting all of these community maps. It’s amazing to me that we’re finding ways to make video games seem new and entertaining months after they’ve been released.  The formula being used by 343 right now is going to keep this game fresh well into the release of Halo 5. So far it’s all been at no additional charges, which is awesome in its own right. I’m looking forward to all the many new maps and features along the way, including Grifball next week!

This post was a bit all over the place. I know. 

A quick thank you.

I just wanted to address the fact that I was nominated for a bootleg award over at 20SB and say thank you to anyone who nominated/voted for me, it means a lot. When I started this blog I really had no clue what I was going to write, or if I’d even keep up with it. The 20SB community has been really great and it has kept me writing and always thinking of new things to blog about. I’d like to say for the record that I voted for Sarah from Sarah Being Sarabell in the “Newbie” category in which I was nominated. If you’re on the fence about who to vote for, give her a look.  That is all, but just to add a little bit of entertainment to this post… enjoy these comics my fellow super hero enthusiasts.

The Friend Zone

Today I want to talk to you all about an infamous vast space known as “The friend zone”.  It’s a popular topic. We’re all familiar with the term right? But let me drop an honesty bomb on some of you who may be living in a fantasy world. The Friend zone does not exist! It doesn’t. It’s not an inescapable territory you’ve wondered into with some guy or girl you know.  Brace yourself for the brutal truth: The friend zone is merely a scapegoat. It’s an excuse for that person to say “We’re just such good friends; I wouldn’t want to risk messing that up for a relationship that might not work out.” That is a lot easier and a lot nicer than saying “I really just don’t find you attractive at all.” The sad thing is that people are willing to believe it because it’s easier to take than the truth is. Let’s just get one thing out of the way early.  Men and women can be friends without it needing to be more than that. “Friends” is the default title for two people who hang out with each other and get along. So you can’t get all butt-hurt and take it personally if someone doesn’t instantly decide that they want to be more than friends. Why would you even expect that?

Before I lay in on my tirade about what you’re doing wrong if you think you’re in the friend zone, I should admit that this point of view is not coming from somebody that has never been in that oh so terrible situation. I’m no stranger to the friend zone.  If the friend zone was real, then I’m pretty sure I served a term as president.  I can tell you it sucks. It can sneak up on you too. One day someone asks you what the deal is between you and that person and you realize that you do everything a boyfriend and girlfriend would do, except for the benefits. Welcome to Justfriendistan, population: you.

How did you end up in this friend zone? You were probably were doomed to it from the start. But we’ll come back to that. There is a good chance that you were just an idiot. Ok, that’s harsh. What I mean is you probably are thinking there is more there than there really is. If you spend a lot of time with someone and the two of you get along really well, it’s natural to want to be around them more often. If you find that person physically attractive, then it’s easy to start finding more things that you like about the person. You start overlooking the differences and focusing on the things you have in common and you can no longer think of reasons why you’re only friends. You start questioning why you aren’t more than that. Congratulations, you’ve fooled yourself. Idiot. Now, if you’re complaining that you’re in the friend zone, then obviously the other person hasn’t fooled themselves as well, or back to that reoccurring sad truth, they never were attracted to you to begin with.  

Now maybe you really do feel as deeply for this person as you think, and you’re not fooling yourself. That’s not impossible, but the fact remains that they don’t feel the same. It’s also not a certainty that they aren’t attracted to you. Maybe they are. Maybe you’ve even tried dating before. Whatever the case may be, you’re not together, so someone is clearly trying to push the other into the friend zone, and if it’s not you doing the pushing, then… You get the picture.

It’s time for advice, and since it seems like there are a lot of different circumstances I am going to try to address all the ones I can think of. For starters, if you’re one of those guys who commonly say (or think) “I’m so nice to her. Those guys she dates are all assholes. Why is it that the guys that get laid are the assholes? Nice guys always finish last” You’re a hypocrite. If you just want to get laid then guess what? You’re the same as that “asshole”; you’re just less direct and honest about it. You’re treating her like a slot machine that you can fill with kindness until you hit the sex jackpot.  That “asshole” probably may not have the most pure intentions, but he was likely up front with them, or maybe just took more initiative to make things happen than you did. 

Earlier I said that if you think you’re in the friend zone that you were probably doomed from the start. Listen carefully, because this is the best possible way to avoid the friend zone. If you are interested in someone DO NOT WAIT TO TELL THEM. It’s perfectly acceptable to be friends first, but spend that time as friends with knowledge that you’re interested in more when the timing is right. Think of it like actors being type-casted. The longer you spend as friend, the longer you’re being cast into that friend role, and then you’re audition for that boyfriend or girlfriend role isn’t going to go so well. Making your intentions clear early on forces them to consider you for the part all along the way.

I realize that a lot of people may already be in pretty deep. That sort of makes that last chunk of advice a tad bit late. If you’re stuck in that situation and just haven’t worked up the nerve to tell them how you feel yet, it’s time to dive in. You may think they don’t know how you feel, but you’re wrong. At the very least they suspect it. If you like the person, make it known. Don’t hint around it, just say it. That DOESN’T mean to unload a huge confession of your love on them and freak them out. What I mean is to casually tell them “Look, I like you, and I’m glad we get along so well, but I’m not interested in being only friends. I’d like to take you out on an actual date sometime. If that’s not where you’re seeing this going then maybe we should cut back on how much time we’re spending together so I can spend more time with someone who is interested.” No, you don’t have to quote that word for word, just giving you an idea.

Last but not least are those of you who have already admitted to your feelings and nothing changed, then you need to get out now. Right now. It’s over and you’re only tormenting yourself. You don’t have to make some grand announcement to them or to anyone else. You just simply stop calling them, stop hanging out with them, and start hanging out with other friends. Go on dates.  You can answer if they call or text you, but keep it short. Don’t be mean. Just let them know you’re busy. There is a chance they’ll get jealous, and if they do, don’t read into it. Don’t assume that means they suddenly want you. It only means they miss all the attention they’re used to having you showering them in.  Who knows, maybe they will realize what they missed out on and change their mind, but let’s be honest, that’s probably not going to happen unless you’ve made some sort of significant change. You don’t assume they really want you until they say it themselves. Until then, you just go on with your life and let them go on with theirs. Regardless to if you end up together down the line, become good friends again, or never speak again, the point is that you’re out of your crappy situation and no longer miserable. No more whining about the friend zone. It doesn’t exist.

Social Network Etiquette Part 2

I've thought up a couple more things.. Allow me to continue my list.

8. Hashtags are for Twitter (Maybe Instagram, I don’t use it, someone fill me in). Hashtags are NOT for Facebook. On Twitter, they serve a purpose. They make a searchable topic on the websites that they were designed for, and Facebook is not one of those sites, you can’t click a hashtag on Facebook and it take you anywhere. I can’t tell you how often I get driven batshit crazy by people who say “I don’t like Twitter, Facebook is so much better” and then they treat Facebook as though it were a Twitter account by posting Hashtags with every status, updating constantly, “mentioning” people in ever post instead of just messaging them or commenting on their wall. Just make a Twitter profile already! But more importantly stop hashtagging things on Twitter!

9. Stop putting nicknames in your Facebook name. Your name is not Rocky “Powermoves” Jackson, It’s not Samantha “ILoveMyLife” Simmons, It’s not Christian “GetMoney” Manning. (The names are changed, but those are legit nicknames I’ve seen on Facebook profiles). I don’t think you’ll ever have a potential friend, employer, or date look at your profile and say “I must know more about this GetMoney Manning! He seems so awesome!” Never. Not gonna happen. Use your real name, or you might as well just put “HugeDouche” as the nickname.

10. This is a popular one, so I’m surprised it has remained an issue: STOP SENDING ME GAME REQUESTS! Seriously, why? Why are people still doing this? Why do I constantly have to “Block all requests” from the same game? There should be a “I want to opt out of all games in the Facebook network because I think it’s fucking stupid and I’m sick of these damn requests” option upon sign-up. Build your own farm, work at your own diner, guess your own songs, kill people for your own mafia, stop asking me to join so I can help you advance in your make believe fairytale fucking world. Prick.

11. Realize that your opinion or input is not needed or wanted by every one of your friends on every one of their statuses. If I were to comment on every status that popped up on my newsfeed, I’d have no time for anything else. Still somehow, some people seem to have something to say about everything they see. “Oh, Christopher just checked-in at Carabba’s? I should comment about how I prefer Chinese food instead of Italian and tell him what I had for dinner!” I mean seriously, I don’t understand why people do this.

12. I don’t know who starts these things, but the pictures with the “Like this if you laughed” or the “Like this in 5 seconds if you love your mother” “Share this photo if you love God” “Share this photo to help end animal abuse.” Those things need to stop. More importantly, the idiots who are actually liking and sharing these things need to stop it so this trend can die off already. I’m pretty sure there is nothing in any religion’s belief that covers social media and your impending damnation if you don’t like a picture. How much I love my mother is not going to be effected by liking of a photo, nor will an animal be saved from the clutches of Michael Vick because I shared a Facebook status.

13. Don’t post a picture you randomly took of yourself and caption it “Ugh, I look like crap!” Obviously you didn’t think you looked so crappy or you wouldn’t have posted the picture. We’re not stupid. Sure, that kid that’s been crushing on you for years and that meathead that wants in your pants are gonna comment and give you the compliments you’re so obviously fishing for, but the rest of us are going to roll our eyes and keep scrolling. 

Obviously there are exceptions to some of these rules, and far be it of me to tell you all how to conduct yourselves on Facebook. I simply am calling it as I see it. If you choose to go against these few guidelines I have laid out for you, that is your choice to make. I’m just trying to save you from the burning hatred of your peers. 

Computer Clean-up

I have this really bad habit of saving things onto my computer and forgetting I have them. Maybe I decided against posting them immediately or maybe my A.D.D. kicks in and I start doing something else in the 10 seconds after I’ve saved the file. Today I decided to do a sweep of my computer and delete out a few things that I didn’t need in here. These are the things I found:

Superman & Batman discussing villains and weaknesses. 

A small speech about the greatness of being a geek:

A  story with a Game of Thrones reference that made me laugh:

A diagram that summed up my sense of humor in dark times:

 A comic about those door-to-door religions:

Barney, making a brilliant point about meeting someone in our technologically advanced world:

...and a fairy tale for the cynical optimists:

Social Network Etiquette

Is there a social networking etiquette class somewhere I can send people to? There should be. I don't even know where I picked-up on what I consider to be proper etiquette for social networking, but I’m starting a list. Maybe we can help some people.

1. Do NOT like your own status. Clearly you like it or you wouldn't have posted it. This makes you look as though you're dying for the attention. It's really kind of sad. No, it’s not cute or funny, just sad.

2. Your profile picture should be of you.

A. This does not mean a picture of your new baby. Your friends and family that want to see the baby can look in a folder on your page that says "New baby!"

B. Unless your car is going to go all Transformer on us and turn into you, don't set your profile pic to be of your car, okay Optimus?

C. This also goes for pics of Super-heroes, movie stars, cartoons, comics, etc.. Unless you're out fighting crime in a mask with your underwear over your pants, we don't want it as your profile pic. If you are though, please post videos… that could be entertaining.

3. Stop with the sermons and religious banter constantly! It's not called Preachbook. I don't need a daily bible verse or to hear you tell me how I should live my life. I don't mind that everyone has different beliefs; just don't fill my wall with it. I'm sure if Jesus was around still he wouldn't be trying to save me via Facebook. Liking this status about Jesus isn’t going to keep me out of Heaven or get me into it. It’s not saving you either.

4. Do not hold a conversation through comments on someone’s status. Facebook has a chat feature at the bottom. So use it, instead of having a conversation in a wall post for everyone to see.

5. PLEASE at least attempt to spell words correctly. If you can't, fine, but at least have the dignity to attempt it. Also, please use some punctuation. This is a legit status by someone on my Facebook: "I just want to b happy damn why cant ppl just mind there own bussiness i desrve to b happy to only tryn to make something out of myself quit hatin bc were gona b together thru every and anything..." I can seriously point out 20 mistakes off the top of my head in that status. It's sad to see. (Disclaimer: I removed that person from my friends list. It was unbearable to keep seeing.)

6. Post things in the appropriate place. The other day I had a Facebook status talking about a football game. My friend commented on it and we were talking about how the game was going then suddenly his aunt pops in and says “I love your profile pic! Your baby is getting so big! She looks just like you!” That’s a nice sentiment that I’m sure you couldn’t wait to share, but learn to post these things on that persons wall or in a message. Seriously, nobody else cares to see it.

7. There is such a thing as too old for Facebook. If you don’t understand the difference between a message, a comment, and a status, maybe social networking isn’t for you. It may not be your age that makes you too old, just your mentality towards modern technology. I had a family member a while back freaking out because of the things that were being posted “On her Facebook” because she didn’t want her co-workers to “see that stuff.” I told her to delete it, and she said she couldn’t. It turned out that it was just her newsfeed. She thought anything she saw in her newsfeed could be seen by anyone who visited her page.

That's the only things to come to mind, but if you have more feel free to comment. I’d love to add to it. Also, why the hell has Facebook not given us a dislike button yet? Seriously, it’s been YEARS. We’ve had a billion changes we never thought about or asked for, yet you can’t give us the one thing we have all been vocal about for the last five years? Get your shit together Zuckerberg!

Maybe it’s not my weekend… (New Years post)

That’s right; I’m hopping in on the trend. I’m blogging about the New Year. Anyhow, it’s 2013! The world didn’t explode or implode or burn up or whatever it was supposed to do in 2012 and now we’re all still here. So naturally we all went out and celebrated our non-extinction on December 31^st. My mom & step dad’s side of the family has this tradition every year called the Yulee Ball. They put on a party in their small little town of Yulee, Florida and they make their own ball to do a midnight ball drop. There is lots of food and alcohol and music and all the things you expect from a New Year’s Eve party. I missed it back in 2010, instead opting for a solo excursion in Orlando, but more on that later. This year, the Yulee Ball got cancelled. This left me in a bind, as it happened sort of last minute and I had already invited someone out to join me. The beginning of the night involved a lot of driving around and looking for something fun to do at the last minute without spending a ton of money. We took a stroll through Downtown Fernandina, followed by a walk on the beach watching people light off fireworks earlier in the night. Then we opted to drive back into Jacksonville, where we caught the monorail to the Jacksonville Landing and put ourselves in with a massive crowd.

The crowd at the Jacksonville Landing NYE .

We caught dinner, which held us on the balcony level long enough to catch the 4^th quarter of the Cotton Bowl, and to watch the Fireworks at midnight. Afterwards we joined the club scene at Maverick’s (a popular night club inside the Jacksonville Landing) and I was able to showcase my complete lack of dancing ability. Me trying to find rhythm on a dance floor is like Ray Charles with a Where’s Waldo book. We still spent over an hour and a half on the dance floor despite that painful fact, which is all the more impressive considering I didn’t drink a drop all night. We did spend a small amount of time in the VIP area upstairs, which I was surprised to see had stripper poles and curtained off areas with lounge chairs and sofas. I had been to this place a couple of times before and never knew the area existed. After last call, everyone left and the music stopped. We exited back out into the courtyard to head home and I got to witness this:

I think my favorite part is the guy who dances into frame at the 0:58 mark with a ton of enthusiasm, high fives another guy, and skips back out of the video. The large train of people toward the end is pretty entertaining too though. Drunk people on New Year’s day are just so fun and sociable.

I mentioned earlier that I spent my 2010 New Year in Orlando, and as some of you may know, I had a blog in the past prior to this one. This is my blog post from 2010:

New Years Eve was outstanding. Warm weather, bikini tops, palm trees, music playing everywhere you walk. Universal on New Year’s Eve day is reminiscent of a stereotypical spring break in an American Pie style movie. Mellow attitude today, I forgo the roller coasters and decide to catch some of the live shows that have never interested me enough to wait in line for. The long wait in line seems shortened by the spontaneous conversation I’m having with complete strangers about temporary stairs and bent back paper clips. Off for lunch with the new acquaintances. Margaritaville is the perfect fit for the aforementioned mellowness. Cheeseburger in paradise and hurricane made by a very friendly bartender named Jerry. In this fabricated environment it's hard to remember that I’m not REALLY at a beach right now. Hotel. Quick nap. Shower. Now I’m ready for the nighttime portion of this show. Roller coasters are more fun at nighttime. Live music inside of Universal Studios is being played. Didn't catch the name of the band, cover songs are all that is played. Inside the exclusive New Years Eve party I’m greeted with beads and champagne. The strip outside the clubs here is much like Mardi Gras, women trying to earn beads anyway that they can included. Time to eat again and we're informed that Emeril Lagasse himself is responsible for a few of the entrees. One bite and BAM! I understand the hype. Live music in each individual bar, and I can't seem to tear myself away from the Piano bar at Pat O'Briens'. Several of the bars and clubs have their own charm, but it's the Red Coconut where I meet Amanda. Black dress and minimal make-up, Amanda is cute in a Leighton Meester meets Rachel Bilson kinda way. I can't dance, but I ask anyway, liquid courage. Luckily for me, the next song played is a slow one, this I can do. Song ends, older lady approaches. This is Amanda's mom, nice to meet you Carol, and your date. Carol is a lush, Amanda is embarrassed. Witty banter with Carol's date about my intentions with Amanda is made a lot funnier after discovering that he is in fact not Carol's date, but a random guy she met that has no clue that Carol is married. Amanda's embarrassment seems more warranted. Ten minutes until midnight, I’m asked not to move. Amanda escapes momentarily and returns with two glasses of champagne. "For the midnight toast". Midnight strikes, confetti fills the sky, everyone clinks glasses and the couples begin to kiss. I go for it. Midnight kiss: check. 2009 is in the books, box it up and file it under "history".

The first thing that grabs my attention about that post is the writing style. I’m still not sure if I love or hate it. What really grabs my attention is the difference in my life then and my life now. I used to be more carefree, less concerned with tomorrow and more concerned with now. I miss that. I find it interesting that I up and drove to Orlando to spend New Year alone, and I remember the whole trip being so great. 2012 Christopher stressed a lot more, all year. He also wasn’t looking to spend New Year’s Eve alone, but he also wasn’t running away from anything. All of these are stories for another time. The point I am making is that it’s a new year. 2012 saw a lot of traditions broken and I’m determined that in 2013 I’m going to start new traditions.

Edit: if you're wondering why the post is titled "Maybe it's not my weekend..." when the post suggests I had a pretty decent weekend really, you should know that my favorite football teams both ended the season in crappy fashion. Also, I didn't drink a drop on New Year's Eve, and there was no midnight kiss for me this year. But most importantly, the post title is a lyric from an All Time Low song called Weightless. "Maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year."