Social Network Etiquette Part 2

I've thought up a couple more things.. Allow me to continue my list.

8. Hashtags are for Twitter (Maybe Instagram, I don’t use it, someone fill me in). Hashtags are NOT for Facebook. On Twitter, they serve a purpose. They make a searchable topic on the websites that they were designed for, and Facebook is not one of those sites, you can’t click a hashtag on Facebook and it take you anywhere. I can’t tell you how often I get driven batshit crazy by people who say “I don’t like Twitter, Facebook is so much better” and then they treat Facebook as though it were a Twitter account by posting Hashtags with every status, updating constantly, “mentioning” people in ever post instead of just messaging them or commenting on their wall. Just make a Twitter profile already! But more importantly stop hashtagging things on Twitter!

9. Stop putting nicknames in your Facebook name. Your name is not Rocky “Powermoves” Jackson, It’s not Samantha “ILoveMyLife” Simmons, It’s not Christian “GetMoney” Manning. (The names are changed, but those are legit nicknames I’ve seen on Facebook profiles). I don’t think you’ll ever have a potential friend, employer, or date look at your profile and say “I must know more about this GetMoney Manning! He seems so awesome!” Never. Not gonna happen. Use your real name, or you might as well just put “HugeDouche” as the nickname.

10. This is a popular one, so I’m surprised it has remained an issue: STOP SENDING ME GAME REQUESTS! Seriously, why? Why are people still doing this? Why do I constantly have to “Block all requests” from the same game? There should be a “I want to opt out of all games in the Facebook network because I think it’s fucking stupid and I’m sick of these damn requests” option upon sign-up. Build your own farm, work at your own diner, guess your own songs, kill people for your own mafia, stop asking me to join so I can help you advance in your make believe fairytale fucking world. Prick.

11. Realize that your opinion or input is not needed or wanted by every one of your friends on every one of their statuses. If I were to comment on every status that popped up on my newsfeed, I’d have no time for anything else. Still somehow, some people seem to have something to say about everything they see. “Oh, Christopher just checked-in at Carabba’s? I should comment about how I prefer Chinese food instead of Italian and tell him what I had for dinner!” I mean seriously, I don’t understand why people do this.

12. I don’t know who starts these things, but the pictures with the “Like this if you laughed” or the “Like this in 5 seconds if you love your mother” “Share this photo if you love God” “Share this photo to help end animal abuse.” Those things need to stop. More importantly, the idiots who are actually liking and sharing these things need to stop it so this trend can die off already. I’m pretty sure there is nothing in any religion’s belief that covers social media and your impending damnation if you don’t like a picture. How much I love my mother is not going to be effected by liking of a photo, nor will an animal be saved from the clutches of Michael Vick because I shared a Facebook status.

13. Don’t post a picture you randomly took of yourself and caption it “Ugh, I look like crap!” Obviously you didn’t think you looked so crappy or you wouldn’t have posted the picture. We’re not stupid. Sure, that kid that’s been crushing on you for years and that meathead that wants in your pants are gonna comment and give you the compliments you’re so obviously fishing for, but the rest of us are going to roll our eyes and keep scrolling. 

Obviously there are exceptions to some of these rules, and far be it of me to tell you all how to conduct yourselves on Facebook. I simply am calling it as I see it. If you choose to go against these few guidelines I have laid out for you, that is your choice to make. I’m just trying to save you from the burning hatred of your peers.