Social Network Etiquette Part 2

I've thought up a couple more things.. Allow me to continue my list.

8. Hashtags are for Twitter (Maybe Instagram, I don’t use it, someone fill me in). Hashtags are NOT for Facebook. On Twitter, they serve a purpose. They make a searchable topic on the websites that they were designed for, and Facebook is not one of those sites, you can’t click a hashtag on Facebook and it take you anywhere. I can’t tell you how often I get driven batshit crazy by people who say “I don’t like Twitter, Facebook is so much better” and then they treat Facebook as though it were a Twitter account by posting Hashtags with every status, updating constantly, “mentioning” people in ever post instead of just messaging them or commenting on their wall. Just make a Twitter profile already! But more importantly stop hashtagging things on Twitter!

9. Stop putting nicknames in your Facebook name. Your name is not Rocky “Powermoves” Jackson, It’s not Samantha “ILoveMyLife” Simmons, It’s not Christian “GetMoney” Manning. (The names are changed, but those are legit nicknames I’ve seen on Facebook profiles). I don’t think you’ll ever have a potential friend, employer, or date look at your profile and say “I must know more about this GetMoney Manning! He seems so awesome!” Never. Not gonna happen. Use your real name, or you might as well just put “HugeDouche” as the nickname.

10. This is a popular one, so I’m surprised it has remained an issue: STOP SENDING ME GAME REQUESTS! Seriously, why? Why are people still doing this? Why do I constantly have to “Block all requests” from the same game? There should be a “I want to opt out of all games in the Facebook network because I think it’s fucking stupid and I’m sick of these damn requests” option upon sign-up. Build your own farm, work at your own diner, guess your own songs, kill people for your own mafia, stop asking me to join so I can help you advance in your make believe fairytale fucking world. Prick.

11. Realize that your opinion or input is not needed or wanted by every one of your friends on every one of their statuses. If I were to comment on every status that popped up on my newsfeed, I’d have no time for anything else. Still somehow, some people seem to have something to say about everything they see. “Oh, Christopher just checked-in at Carabba’s? I should comment about how I prefer Chinese food instead of Italian and tell him what I had for dinner!” I mean seriously, I don’t understand why people do this.

12. I don’t know who starts these things, but the pictures with the “Like this if you laughed” or the “Like this in 5 seconds if you love your mother” “Share this photo if you love God” “Share this photo to help end animal abuse.” Those things need to stop. More importantly, the idiots who are actually liking and sharing these things need to stop it so this trend can die off already. I’m pretty sure there is nothing in any religion’s belief that covers social media and your impending damnation if you don’t like a picture. How much I love my mother is not going to be effected by liking of a photo, nor will an animal be saved from the clutches of Michael Vick because I shared a Facebook status.

13. Don’t post a picture you randomly took of yourself and caption it “Ugh, I look like crap!” Obviously you didn’t think you looked so crappy or you wouldn’t have posted the picture. We’re not stupid. Sure, that kid that’s been crushing on you for years and that meathead that wants in your pants are gonna comment and give you the compliments you’re so obviously fishing for, but the rest of us are going to roll our eyes and keep scrolling. 

Obviously there are exceptions to some of these rules, and far be it of me to tell you all how to conduct yourselves on Facebook. I simply am calling it as I see it. If you choose to go against these few guidelines I have laid out for you, that is your choice to make. I’m just trying to save you from the burning hatred of your peers. 

Social Network Etiquette

Is there a social networking etiquette class somewhere I can send people to? There should be. I don't even know where I picked-up on what I consider to be proper etiquette for social networking, but I’m starting a list. Maybe we can help some people.

1. Do NOT like your own status. Clearly you like it or you wouldn't have posted it. This makes you look as though you're dying for the attention. It's really kind of sad. No, it’s not cute or funny, just sad.

2. Your profile picture should be of you.

A. This does not mean a picture of your new baby. Your friends and family that want to see the baby can look in a folder on your page that says "New baby!"

B. Unless your car is going to go all Transformer on us and turn into you, don't set your profile pic to be of your car, okay Optimus?

C. This also goes for pics of Super-heroes, movie stars, cartoons, comics, etc.. Unless you're out fighting crime in a mask with your underwear over your pants, we don't want it as your profile pic. If you are though, please post videos… that could be entertaining.

3. Stop with the sermons and religious banter constantly! It's not called Preachbook. I don't need a daily bible verse or to hear you tell me how I should live my life. I don't mind that everyone has different beliefs; just don't fill my wall with it. I'm sure if Jesus was around still he wouldn't be trying to save me via Facebook. Liking this status about Jesus isn’t going to keep me out of Heaven or get me into it. It’s not saving you either.

4. Do not hold a conversation through comments on someone’s status. Facebook has a chat feature at the bottom. So use it, instead of having a conversation in a wall post for everyone to see.

5. PLEASE at least attempt to spell words correctly. If you can't, fine, but at least have the dignity to attempt it. Also, please use some punctuation. This is a legit status by someone on my Facebook: "I just want to b happy damn why cant ppl just mind there own bussiness i desrve to b happy to only tryn to make something out of myself quit hatin bc were gona b together thru every and anything..." I can seriously point out 20 mistakes off the top of my head in that status. It's sad to see. (Disclaimer: I removed that person from my friends list. It was unbearable to keep seeing.)

6. Post things in the appropriate place. The other day I had a Facebook status talking about a football game. My friend commented on it and we were talking about how the game was going then suddenly his aunt pops in and says “I love your profile pic! Your baby is getting so big! She looks just like you!” That’s a nice sentiment that I’m sure you couldn’t wait to share, but learn to post these things on that persons wall or in a message. Seriously, nobody else cares to see it.

7. There is such a thing as too old for Facebook. If you don’t understand the difference between a message, a comment, and a status, maybe social networking isn’t for you. It may not be your age that makes you too old, just your mentality towards modern technology. I had a family member a while back freaking out because of the things that were being posted “On her Facebook” because she didn’t want her co-workers to “see that stuff.” I told her to delete it, and she said she couldn’t. It turned out that it was just her newsfeed. She thought anything she saw in her newsfeed could be seen by anyone who visited her page.

That's the only things to come to mind, but if you have more feel free to comment. I’d love to add to it. Also, why the hell has Facebook not given us a dislike button yet? Seriously, it’s been YEARS. We’ve had a billion changes we never thought about or asked for, yet you can’t give us the one thing we have all been vocal about for the last five years? Get your shit together Zuckerberg!